Okay, so after Adam’s big announcement the first thing the “marriage counselor” did was send me to a psychiatrist. She put me on Cipralex. It was working for months, but then I found myself stressed out from not sleeping. So I quit and I was doing quite well until today…
Adam and I are having a heated email conversation. It lead me to feeling the pain all over again. It made me realize that I have been hiding my feelings behind the drugs. While pondering this, I discovered that many of my regular feelings have been masked by the drugs. Here are some examples (good and bad):
- I don’t care if the kids keep their rooms clean. That one is good and bad.
- I don’t care if the kids do their homework. That one is bad because Thomas is at a critical time in HS.
- I don’t care if they skip school due to mysterious pains. This one is bad. I’m becoming the crutch for them not to deal with their issues.
- I don’t care if the laundry is done, or the house picked-up, or the kitchen counters are cluttered. All of these are bad.
- I don’t care; I don’t care; I don’t care. And this one is bad.
My current options are I could go back on the drugs or I can deal with it. I feel at this time I need to deal with it. I need to face the problems I have ahead of me without drug assistance. I need to find a more natural way to handle my stress and anxiety.
Here are some suggestions from Calm (http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/attacks/home-remedies Clinic):
- Relaxation Room – Well I live in a small house. There is no extra room. However, maybe I can find a relaxation corner.
- Extra Hydration/Water Therapy – Drink more water. The Cipralex made me very thirsty and only for water. Since I’ve been off, I haven’t had as much water and I’ve wanted other things to drink such as coffee and soda. Maybe the desire for water side effect was a good one.
- Exercise – This is a good one if I could only get off my butt long enough. I re-started today by walking to the store instead of driving. What do they say? One step at a time Sweet Jesus.
- Vitamin Additions – Magnesium, Vitamin B12 and B1. I think I have these in the cabinet and I think I should start them up again too.
- Distraction Creation – Do things to get out of your head. Watch funny shows. Turn on the lights. Interact with technology
- Journaling – Well, I think this blog is fully covering this.
- Bathing – Warm baths relax the tension. Well, my bathtub is full of dirty clothes. However, the shower seems to have a similar affect.
- Foods – I’ve also read that walnuts and fish oil also help with anxiety.
So it seems, I need:
- a salmon walnut dinner
- with a side of magnesium, B12, B1,
- and a glass of water for dinner
- while I sit in my corner blogging
- after having a long walk
- followed by a long bath.
Whew, I’m exhausted thinking about it.