My Guiding Card today was “Time to Go.” Yup, we all saw it coming. As much as I have tried to reconcile, Adam is gone. He’s been gone. I’m the one who has been waiting around… alone. Maybe that’s why I feel so alone even in a crowd. It’s because I am.
This week we failed miserable at co-parenting. I asked him to call Thomas. He did. However, he didn’t call me back to tell me the results as he had agreed to do. I waited (alone) for 6 hours. Finally, at midnight his time, I called his cell phone (twice).
Of course, what was going through my head…who’s he f*cking now? Well, I’ll just make it a romantic night with the ex-wife calling. How come he didn’t call me? What does he know that he isn’t sharing? My head was out of control.
As you can imagine, our conversation was not good. I’ll spare you the details (see previous 140 posts). We did end up in a better place. I agreed that I would communicate better with him the importance of the children’s issues. I would also put a reasonable value on what is important. He promised he would be better available. I wouldn’t have to email him twice, call the Vonage line twice, and his cellular (international call) twice before he responded. He recognized if it was an emergency, that he would have been left out of the loop. He honestly doesn’t want that.
So, I emailed yesterday asking for him to call me if he was available. No response…. I left a voice mail since I know his Blackberry doesn’t always receive emails. No response… So much for being available. Rather than freaking out I ignored it. Later that day he emailed and apologized for not getting my email request to talk. His phone was in the other room. (hmm, funny because for 20 years it has been physically attached to you.) I let it go because it wasn’t an emergency.
This morning I emailed a follow-up requesting a time when he was available. We agreed when he would call. We had our conversation. There were long pauses between topics. I refused to hang up; I’m making him do it. (childish, but I don’t care) Eventually, all topics were exhausted.
What did I learn from this? The conversation was robotic and mundane. I could have been talking to the termite man (which I did later and he was more fun than Adam). I then drew my Guiding Card and agreed with it. It has taken me a year to get to this point, but it is…
Time to Go.